I once had a client who called me repeatedly to let me know he was running late.
Each phone call, of course, made him that much later.
Unfortunately I had somewhere to be after our appointment and, as such, I suggested we reschedule.
He begged me to wait on him, and I explained, in no uncertain terms, that regardless of his arrival time I was out the door at 6pm.
He acknowledged that he fully understood, and that he had no issues with his time being cut short.
The calls continued, “I’m 5 minutes away,” yada yada until it got to the point where I would need to leave within 15 minutes of his arrival.
I tried to push my irritation aside and put on a bright and shiny smile as I opened the door.
He was a big guy, around 6’4” and 275 pounds. He was a tad less than hygienically desirable and I was feeling the pressure, wanting to suggest he shower but still focused on our lack of time remaining….not to mention none of us ladies want to piss a jerk off and have to read a fake review about us.
Anyway, he reached into his Walmart bag and produced a pair of pantyhose he wanted me to wear. Guys, stockings are hot as shit….but there is a reason most women don’t wear pantyhose these days.
I expressed as much to him, lightly giggling and asking “who wears pantyhose anymore”?
His answer was to drop his jeans and exclaim, with an eerie note of excitement, “I do”.
He sure as shit was wearing a pair of black pantyhose, where he found his size I’ll never know!
His leg hairs were poking through all over the place, but I tried to feign excitement. For the record, that’s not something you spring on someone as one needs to mentally prepare for such an unpleasant site.
I then politely and quickly reminded him that we had such a short time left together before I had to be on my way. At that point he lost it.
He snatched the pantyhose he had given me (boohoo) right out of my hands and pulled his pants up as he cursed at me and stormed towards the door.
Now the place where we had set up shop, so to speak, was a hotel that was similar to a garden apartment.
There was a group of 12-15 guys staying in the rooms around our 3 and they quickly figured out what was going on.
They were from out of town, in the area to do cellular week, and they made a deal of grilling out in the parking lot while slamming beers most every night. As it turns out they were very cool with our presence and several of the ladies had spent an evening or two in the parking lot hanging out and drinking beers with them, myself included.
This particular night was one of those evenings, and, as the jerk walked out my door he slammed it shut, hard, turning the heads of everyone outside.
“Easy big guy” said one of my neighbors. In response to that, the “client” began yelling about there being a whore in room 303.
“Yo watch your language dude”, one of my supporters said, “that’s a real nice lady there”.
That did nothing to shut the dumbass up, and at his last exclamation of me being a whore I stepped forward and hollered down to the guys.
“Hey you guys, guess what!”
“”What?”a few of them responded in unison.
“That dude’s wearing pantyhose!!”
I so wish there were video recorders on our phones back then!
Several gents spit their beer out as they all erupted in laughter, pointing at this now mortified man.
There is a lesson to be learned here, but I’m still stuck on the humor.
Oh, and one last thing. As I walked out, pulling the door shut behind me, I noticed his keys and phone sitting on my table.
I turned to meet his stare as he quickly realized the pickle he was in.
I smiled as I slammed the door shut.
“Hey you have to give me my shit!” he was yelling as I walked to my ride.
“No, I really don’t think I do,” I calmly replied as I walked away.
Fret not, I called the manager after the jerk had had enough time to stew in his own self created misery and asked them to grab his keys for him.
Ahhhh, good times! But that visual…..yuch, it still gives me the shivers!